Ready for Love
by Elfgirl23
Summary: HS AU Castiel is a Goth kid who is in love with his brother's best friend, Dean Winchester. Castiel's past is warded with pain and let downs but when Dean begins to show an interest in him he thinks that maybe his life is looking up. The only problem being Dean has his own issues, with his strict father. Trigger Warning:Self-harm
1. Chapter 1

**Okay so this is a short fic I wrote for a friend of mine and decided to post here. It's only ten chapters but I'll post a chapter every week starting today. If you like the first chapter please review. If it doesn't do well I may just take it down. Anyway I hope you like it! It moves fast, but I am thinking of adding more to other chapters. Anyway I hope you enjoy it *****Disclaimer* I own nothing but the story line. **

Cas stared at his form in the mirror with disgust. His face was clear of any makeup for once and his hair was flat against his head. Cas hated his appearance without his heavy black eyeliner and the gel he usually put in his hair. His hair would be spiked so much it wouldn't move in the wind because of how stiff he made it, sometimes it would fall into his eyes and he had to brush it out of the way. Yes, he needed to get ready now, his daily stare down with himself was over and he could become the person he was used to seeing in the mirror.

Pulling open the drawer below him, he opened his eyeliner and began to drag a dark line across his top eyelid. Then he lightly did the bottom one. He repeated the process with the second one. Placing the liner on the counter he took the bottle of gel and squeezed the cool liquid into his palm. He began to drag it through his soft thick hair, it was a little coarse now from having gel in it twenty- four seven. Cas spiked it up, making sure it would stay in the positions he put it in.

When he finished he regarded himself with a little more liking, not enough to smile at himself though. He put on his spiked collar and tried to stand up a little straighter. As usual his attire was entirely black. All the way from his shoes to his black as night hair, all except his skin and too blue eyes that is. He hated them, his eyes; they attracted way too much attention and were much too big and bright.

Heaving a huge sigh he ducked his head and made his way down the stairs into the kitchen where the rest of his family sat. His little sister Jo, who was munching on a toasted pop tart and reading a novel; Gabriel who was lounging on the couch with that smirk as if he knew something the world didn't, his brother Balthazar was right beside him. Cas could hear his mom humming from the kitchen and his dad was sitting at his desk in the living room, ruffling that brown hair of his. He was probably stressing about some new novel he was writing. He was the reason Jo read so much, she wanted to be just like Dad.

Castiel rolled his eyes at all of them and walked into the kitchen. His mom smiled at him and said good morning but Cas ignored her and grabbed himself a bowl of cereal. He didn't care if he was being rude; no one really cared about him in this household anyway. Leaving the kitchen he sat at the table with Jo who looked up as he sat down.

She grinned at him and said in a teasing tone "Who died?"

He rolled his eyes again; she was always going on about how his fashion choice was like he was going to a funeral every day. She said he needed a new wardrobe but he didn't care about her opinions. She was always wearing a red checkered shirt and a pair of light tight fitted jeans. Not really the best fashion statement either in his opinion, of course no one asked him though so it didn't really matter. "Shut up Jo."

Jo put down her book and put her chin on her palms. She sat quietly for a few minutes watching him eat before continuing with "You know, usually it's only _girls _who wear makeup."

"I said shut up!" Cas growled, he stood up and brought his bowl back to the sink. He then began to pull on his black combat boots and searched the closet for his black trench coat. He was going to leave for school, even if he would get there a half hour early. Castiel was sick of his family already and wanted to get out of there as fast as he could.

"Ellen? Honey do you have a moment to read this over?" He heard his father call from the living room. His dad was always asking his mom to read over his work, she had always been really good in school but then decided running a bar was more her thing. She ran the best bar in town and everyone knew it. A lot of people asked him if he could get the free booze. Cas knew he probably could and that it would get him in with the popular kids, maybe even earn him a few friends! God knew he would be in the group Dean Winchester was in! He never did though; he wouldn't sink to that level.

Shouldering his bag he left the house, slamming the door tightly behind him for good measure and ignoring the calls of his mom for him to come back and began the trudge toward the bus stop. There were leaves on the ground and a crisp wind bit at his nose from the cool November air. It would be December soon and that meant cold snow and another Christmas all alone surrounded by fucking couples cuddling to keep warm.

"CAS! CASTIEL! WAIT UP BRO!" A loud voice called to him, he recognized the loud cat calling tone of his brother Gabriel. Trying not to speed up, Cas slowed his pace and turned around to face his brother. As he turned he discovered it wasn't just Gabriel but that Balthazar was running toward him as well.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if his brothers joined him on his walk to the bus stop. After all, if he was lucky Dean would come along and walk with them. His brothers were, after all, two of his closest friends on the football team. Dean was over at his house a lot and so Cas was able to see him when he wanted to. Sure he never really talked to Dean except to say hi and exchange a few more words just to be polite but Cas had had a crush on him for as long as he could remember knowing him. Dean was perfect in every way possible but Cas knew he would never look at him twice. He just wouldn't do it.

The two of them caught up to him and Gabriel exhaled happily "Mind if we join you? We need to make sure no one bothers you bro, you never know what asshole might be lurking just around the corner."

Castiel shrugged "Yeah sure, whatever you want to do."

Balthazar grinned and smacked his little brother on the back "Thanks dear brother, you know how much we worry about you. Dressing like this and all, you could be doing so much more with your life, yet you choose to look dead all the time." He wrapped his arm around Cas's shoulder and gave a confused smile. "Why is that Cas?"

Cas shrugged "Thanks for your concern Balthazar." He allowed himself to be led toward the bus stop and inconspicuously searched around for Dean. Gabriel walked on his other side, staring at him with that infuriating secret smile he always had plastered on his lips.

It was more than Cas could bear, by the time they reached the stop all he wanted to do was be alone with his thoughts. Was that too much to ask for?

"Dean!" Gabriel called, waving his arms rapidly for the taller boy to come over.

Castiel's head shot up as he heard his brother calling; from across the crowd he saw Dean's head and saw it begin to move closer and closer toward him. Beside him he saw Dean's little brother and that other boy Kevin. Sam and Kevin were best friends from what Cas could figure and Cas envied the boy for being so close to the Winchester family.

Dean grinned at the group and gave a shoulder hug to each of his brothers. Cas almost wanted Dean to do the same for him but he kept his mouth shut and face vacant. He couldn't show any of the emotions he was feeling in that moment. Much to his surprise though, Dean looked at Cas. He had to look down the slightest since he was good foot taller than Cas but still, he looked him right in the eye. "How you doing there Cas?"

"Okay." Cas muttered softly "What about yourself?"

"Not bad, not bad." Dean smiled at him and said in a hushed tone "Much better now." He winked at Castiel before turning back to his brothers and turning the conversation into one about sports.

Cas blinked and tried to comprehend what had just happened. Had Dean really just winked at him? Had he insinuated that his day was now better because he was standing here with him and his brothers? Was Cas simply reading into all this and making himself into a fool around this gorgeous boy yet again?

Most likely.

He zoned out of the conversation and watched for the bus. He wanted to get to school now and forget about the morning. Dean would never be interested in him and he was just wasting his goddamn time waiting around for him.

The bus came to stop in front of them and Gabriel prodded him forward, trying to make him move. Cas shook himself out of his daze and followed his brothers and Dean onto the bus. It wasn't as squishy as usual since they were one of the few people from school on it. Most people took the later one because they preferred to sleep in or hang around their house later. No one ever really wanted to go to school.

They rolled up to the stop that was a block away from their school and about half of the people on it got off. Cas watched it roll away and wished he could sit on it to the end and just ride the buses to the ends of the universe. What would it be like to get away? To be free to make his own choices and not live with people who judged his every action? Castiel could only assume he would never know.

A hand on his shoulder brought him out of his spell. He looked at it and blinked at how big and perfect it was. He glanced up at the face and almost flinched away at seeing Dean's face to greet him. He grinned down at Cas and said "What're you think so hard about there Cas?"

Cas shrugged and mumbled "Just that I can't wait to get into the real world and be on my own for once."

Dean stared at him in an intense manner; he nodded slowly and squeezed Cas's shoulder "I know how you feel. Some days I just want to run away and never come back. I doubt anyone would notice and I could be free to do what I want. Live how I want and love who I want."

He wanted to ask what Dean meant by that but he was too shy. Plus, he didn't want to seem like he was prying into Dean's personal life. If he wanted to say more he would, he didn't. Dean simply smiled down at Cas and then walked up to be with Balthazar and Gabriel. Cas stood there for a few moments in a state of confusion. He shook his head and then ran up to catch up with the rest of the group.

Another day at school, another day in hell to survive. He could do it… He hoped.

"Hey guys, after school I need to go home right away. Dad wants me to do a few things around the house before I do anything else. Where can I meet you?" Dean asked grinning a little, and running his hand through his perfect hair.

Cas's breath caught as he watched him and he glanced back slightly to see Sam rolling his eyes at Kevin. He didn't understand why, but then he wasn't in on the conversation either. He was never in on a conversation ever. Cas was used to being the outcast on these walks. He didn't ever complain about it, he liked being alone inside his own mind. Though sometimes, he would admit, it got kind of lonely and sad.

Gabriel answered him "We'll be at home if you want to swing by later." He glanced at Cas and winked "We don't do much, do we Cas?"

He shook his head "No, we really don't." He said it a little louder so they could hear him. After he spoke he heard Dean give a small gasp and he turned around to look at Cas. His green eyes were dancing happily and Cas had to do his best not to run up and kiss those perfect pout like lips.

"So he does speak!" Dean winked at him again "And with such a lovely voice too. You should talk more often Cas; you could fall asleep to a nice voice like yours."

Cas ducked his head to hide the blush that crept into his cheeks and let himself fall back a little so that Dean didn't see his red cheeks. He stayed that distance until they reached the school, only then did he get a little closer and walked close behind them. He followed his brothers down the hall until he had to break off to go to his locker.

His was on the main floor of the school over by the English hallway. Really inconvenient for him since his first class was all the way across the school on the bottom floor but at least he had a locker. Some people didn't even have that due to the considerable lack of them.

As he walked down the long hallway that was already beginning to be full of loud kids he spotted Dean, alone walking in his direction. Panic seized him and he considered ducking away and finding a different route to his class. He chastised himself, it was only Dean. Cas had known this kid since middle school and he had never shown any resentment or hatred toward him. No matter how he dressed or acted around him, rude or otherwise. Dean spotted him and gave a friendly wave before walking past him down the hall.

Cas turned around on his spot and watched him disappear into one of the classrooms. He sighed heavily and continued on his way to his class. He was never going to impress Dean the way Dean did to him. He needed to let go of his crush on him. Nothing was ever going to happen, why couldn't Castiel simply accept that fact and save himself the heartbreak? He had enough to worry about as it was. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Here is the next chapter! I hope you all like it so far, I'll be posting chapter 3 next Wednesday so stay tuned if you like it. This one is a little bit shorter so I apologize for that. Please review what you think! Always makes my day! *Disclaimer* I own nothing but the story line. **

After school Cas left for the bus stop as soon as he could. He never lingered around waiting for his brothers; they usually had practice or hung around with their girlfriends. At least Balthazar did, he always had about ten girls around him at once. Cas wasn't sure how he managed to do it but it never ceased to amaze him.

Balthazar was the charmer out of the three of them that was for sure. Gabriel didn't have many girls or boys for that matter flocking around him at once. He usually picked one person and stuck with them. He'd been dating this one nice girl for awhile although Cas had never really asked much about her. He wasn't even sure what her name was. Perhaps that was rude of him but frankly he didn't care much for his brother's love lives. For all he knew, Gabriel could have dumped her by now and he'd never know.

He waited around the stop, leaning heavily against the pole and lifting his eyes up toward the sign. The air around him was nippy and he could feel the wind blow through him. His trench coat was unbuttoned and flapped around him like wings. His cheeks were a little numb and he sighed, wishing the bus would pull up already.

A hand fell on his shoulder and his jerked his head around to see Gabriel grinning there. "Hey there Cas, what'cha thinking about?"

Cas shrugged and stood up straighter as the bus came around the corner. He looked around and saw Balthazar high tailing it quickly toward them. The bus stopped and Cas climbed on, flashing his bus pass at the driver. A small grin spread over his face as he saw Gabe yelling at his other brother to hurry is ass up. Balthazar shouted back some retort that Cas didn't catch and climbed on with him, thanking the bus driver for waiting.

The bus rumbled down the street and Cas took out his headphones, plugging them into his iPod and blanking out the rest of the world. He ignored his brothers and watched the world pass by slowly, it wasn't very interesting. Cars rushed by with people bopping their heads to music or talking with the people in the passenger seat. It was the sort of scene you saw every day whenever taking the bus, the scene never changed.

His stop came into view and Cas tugged on the cord, standing up while still ignoring the rest of the world. Once off the bus, he walked a little bit ahead of his brothers. He enjoyed the thrum of the music that pounded into his ears. It made the outside world disappear and he was suddenly in his own head and state of mind.

A few moments later his headphones were wrenched from his ears and Gabriel yelled into one "Cas! Cas wait up! Why do you insist on walking so damn fast?"

With a begrudging glare he shrugged away from him and crossed his arms "I like being alone."

Gabriel pulled his little brother against his side "Oh Cassie, you know I can't let you do that. Not while we're all around!" He chuckled and they continued on home like that. Balthazar came up behind them and walked quietly. Cas tried once to escape but his brother held him tight and he knew there was no way he was going to get out of there.

When they reached the front door Gabriel leaned forward and opened it, while still keeping his arm around his brother. If anything, Cas had to admit that it was a little more warmth than he had before. His trench coat was good for a lot of things but warmth wasn't always one of them. Inside the house was toasty and the scents of pasta and garlic bread filled the air. Dad had been cooking.

"Smells great Dad!" Balthazar called from the front entrance. He pushed past his brothers and hurried into the kitchen, hoping for a sample before everyone else. This was his own daily routine; food was the only drug Balthy would ever take. Which, Cas supposed was a relief. He was a football player at the school and taking drugs would not benefit him at all.

Gabriel glanced down at Cas and asked "You doing okay there Castiel?" He unwrapped his arm and pushed him forward gently toward the kitchen "You've been pretty quiet recently and I've been worried about you, kid."

Cas shrugged "I don't know what to tell you Gabe. I just don't have anything to say."

"Doesn't really sound like you..." He replied, crossing his arms over his chest and following him into the warm and sweet smelling room "You used to never shut up and always had such lively ideas. What happened to that Cas uh?"

"He grew up." Cas shot back at him, pulling him out of whatever nostalgia road he was beginning to journey down.

His brother didn't say anything after that, he let him push past and grab a plate off the counter. Cas said a quick hello to his dad and then disappeared up the stairs into his room. He hardly ever ate with his family. He didn't see the point in making useless conversation when he could be alone, doing homework. Okay, so homework wasn't exactly correct. Most of the time he sat alone and thought about Dean. Today was no different, except for the fact that Dean seemed to be taking more of a notice to him.

It was a new development and Cas could feel the hint of a smile passing over his lips. He wasn't sure why his heart always beat faster around him or why he lived to see Dean smile but everything about him made him feel whole. Dean had been in his life for a long time now, sure they hadn't ever been very close friends but Dean had always treated him with the highest respect and never ever made him feel less than him.

Eating in silence, Cas dwelled on all these thoughts and wondered if there was any chance Dean could love him. The feelings Cas sheltered in his heart were those of love, he knew that but he would never admit it. Not to anyone, ever.

"CAS! CAS come on down here Dad made chocolate cake!" He heard Gabriel scream excitedly from the bottom the staircase. A small smile spread over his lips and he shook his head. Of course Dad did, Mom worked long hours at the bar and so he had learnt to cook for his household of boys pretty damn fast. Michael and Lucifer had moved out last year, so now it was only the four of them. They came around every so often though not as much as Mom wanted them to he was sure.

Sighing, but still with a smile on his face he left his room with his empty plate. Placing it in the sink he joined the rest of his family in the living room with a plate of chocolate cake. He could grace them with his presence for a little while.

Jo sat with them as well at this point. Cas hadn't seen her when he'd come in so he assumed she'd already been eating. They always ate dinner very early; Dad had to leave for his other job by five. Mom usually came home around midnight each night, yet she was always up in the morning to make them breakfast. Cas wasn't sure how she did it but he really did appreciate it, even if he didn't show it. As much as he felt like an outcast in this family he knew his family tried to make him feel a part of it. He just got really grumpy.

They knew he'd been dealing with his own personal shit for the past few years. They helped when they could but none of them really knew what to say to make him feel better. Only his parents knew the gravity of his problems. They'd found the blade he kept under his bed and had made him talk. After that Cas had been on the route to recovery. He stayed distant but his parents knew that if something were up he'd be a lot more than distant. Cas knew they kept a close eye on him, but they still let him do his own thing and that was enough for him.

They sat around talking and joking, even Cas put in a few words. It surprised his family a little but they didn't comment on it. They only acted as if it were a regular occurrence. Cas's grin brightened at this fact. Whether he realized it all the time or not, his family truly was one of the greatest to ever exist.

The doorbell rang, bringing him out of his happy state into one of quizzical wonder. They never had anyone come over and visit them, not unannounced at least. Cas said he'd go get it and then walked calmly, if a little impatiently, over to the door. He unlocked the deadbolt and opened it; his face must've been a complete mask of surprise at who he found standing there. Dean, in all his glory, rubbed his thumb on his chin and looked Cas up and down with a grin "Hey there, you and your brothers want to come and have some fun?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Here is the next chapter! I'm sorry it's up so late in the day but I had company over and so no chance to upload until now. I promise that the next chapter will be longer. I am also adding chapters in. This will be longer than 10 chapters. I just feel I owe this story more than I have been giving it. Also, I know it moves fast. I said so at the beginning so I hope you still enjoy it. Please review? It really means a lot and I love hearing from you all.  
*disclaimer* I own nothing but the storyline.**

Cas sputtered a little but was saved by his brothers coming through the door. He'd forgotten about Dean saying he was coming by later today. His brothers grinned at Dean and said they'd be right out. Dean stepped into the house with wide eyed admiration for his surroundings.

Dean looked at the food in the kitchen and said "Smells amazing in here." He glanced over at Cas's dad "Did you cook all this Mr. Novak?"

Dad grinned "Yeah, you're welcome to have some if you're hungry Dean."

Dean shook his head "Thanks but I ate before I came over. Mom made a great dinner, haven't had one of those in awhile." He shook his head with a laugh "I swear she works herself way too hard."

His dad smiled "Your mom is quite the worker. Your dad must be pretty proud of her eh?"

"I guess so." Dean answered slowly, a shadow of doubt and sadness passing over his face. Cas stared at his crush in concern, was Dean's life not as wonderful as he made it out to be? Cas was sure he had secrets; he just hoped those secrets weren't ones that were hurting him. That was the last thing Cas could ever want for this beautiful boy.

Gabriel and Balthazar came back into the hallway with their winter coats on and big grins on their faces. When Dean saw them his face changed to match theirs perfectly. He gave them the half shoulder hug thing that Cas never understood. They started for the door when Dean stopped and turned to look at him "Aren't you coming too Cas?"

Cas blinked and looked at his brothers. They shrugged, looking a little bummed out but Gabriel still gave his little brother an encouraging smile. Cas shrugged and replied "Do you want me to?"

Dean winked "Damn right I do."

With a small blush, Cas ducked his head and pulled on his black trench coat. He followed his brothers and Dean out into the cool night air. He called a goodbye to his dad and Jo, who was protesting about how she wasn't allowed to go out whenever she wanted. He heard his dad begin to explain to her that she was only thirteen and therefore too young to go out whenever she wanted yet.

A triumphant smile came over his lips and he followed behind with a sense of pride in himself. He was with Dean and seniors. He wasn't alone for once, Dean actually wanted him there! Unlike most people on this earth who seemed to believe it would be a better place without him. Hell there were many times Cas felt the same way. He had many scars lining his wrists from times he had come so close to the calmness of death. Never crossing the threshold but greeting it from afar.

The smile that had graced his lips slowly disappeared and a frown replaced it. Why did he always think of the saddest thing when he was happy? Why couldn't he just let himself be happy for once? Would that really be so hard?

The three of them came to one of the few bars in town. Clements. They made a point of not going to the one Cas's mom ran. Sure it was the best one but they weren't able to get beer at that one, his mom actually asked for ID. Plus she knew them and there was no way she'd serve her underage sons and their friend alcohol. Clements didn't ask for ID, as long as you were able to pay they didn't care. Of course you did have to be at least 17. So Cas wouldn't be able to drink but they served pop and food as well and honestly to him that was better than getting drunk.

They walked into the bar and Dean gave a friendly wave to the bartender, Uriel. He rolled his eyes but didn't say anything. They were paying customers and he wasn't about to complain about how annoying they could get.

Dean led them to a table in the far corner and took a seat on one side. Cas sat across from him while his brothers took the other two. Balthazar waved one of the waitresses over and ordered a round of beers and Pepsi for the little one. Cas glared at him as he said it and slumped back in his chair, staring moodily out the window.

"Aw, Balthy be nice to your brother. He's getting to be as tall as you are!" Dean said with a disapproving expression in Balthazar's direction. Dean reached out and put his hand on Cas's arm "Come on Cas, we both know how big you really are." He gave a quick wink before pulling away and beginning to flirt with the waitress as she came back with their drinks.

Cas stared at him in confusion but said nothing more. There was a sense in the atmosphere of the bar that promised him something special was going to go down tonight. He just had to be patient and wait.

He excluded himself from their carefree conversation and watched as they downed beer after beer after beer. He knew that they were becoming tipsy because Balthazar suddenly declared that he and Gabe were going to serenade the bar. Cas braced his ears, the two of them couldn't sing to save their lives.

When they had left the table Dean leaned toward him and grinned "Now that they are finally out of the way..." His breath smelt like the beer he'd been drinking but he also had his own scent. Cas let the sweet smell of leather and whatever it was that Dean's cologne was, wrap around him. Dean's scent couldn't even be described; it was almost like home to him, a safe haven where he never had to be anyone but himself.

"What are you doing?" Cas whispered as Dean leaned closer and took Cas's hand. Cas tried to pull away; he didn't want Dean kiss him just because he was drunk just because he was there. "Dean, you're drunk! This isn't you..."

Dean's face melted into a sweet smile "Oh Cas, I'm not _that_ drunk! I can hold my liquor better than your brothers! Trust me; I know exactly what I'm doing. I know what I want!" He tugged gently on Cas's hand and whispered into his ear "And it's you." He grinned widely at Cas and placed a firm kiss on his lips.

Shock went vibrating through his body as he felt Dean's mouth on his. It was what he had been whishing for his whole life and now he couldn't believe it was actually happening. Dean liked him. He hadn't been imagining all those hints he'd been giving. They were real! Cas hadn't been reading into anything. Full of happiness, he reached out and grabbed the front of Dean's leather jacket. He pulled Dean closer to him and kissed him back fiercely. He never wanted to end the best moment of his life.

When they broke apart Cas stared into Dean's gorgeous smiling eyes and whispered "Are you sure you're not just really drunk?"

Dean chuckled "Cas, if I was drunk and not thinking straight I'd be blurting out everything I've ever wanted to say to you. And I'd probably be hitting on the waitress." He brushed his hand tenderly down Cas's cheek "I'm serious right now, I think I'm falling in love with you Cas. I've never felt this way about someone before." He smiled warmly at the other boy "I've uh... I've kind of been harbouring a crush on you for awhile now. I just didn't know how to act on it."

Cas let himself be happy, he let his face break into a grin. He ducked his head a little and whispered "Dean... Do you... Will you... Um..." He stumbled over the words and then looked up at the other boy, hoping to God he knew what he was trying to say.

Laughing softly Dean nodded "Yes."

Relief and joy flooded through Cas and he gripped Dean's hand tightly. Life was finally working out for him and he was the happiest he'd ever been in years. Dean was finally his and they would be happy, happy and together. As far as he was concerned there was nothing that could ever break them apart.

He felt Dean nuzzle into his neck and giggled. Dean laid his head on Cas's shoulder and watched Balthazar and Gabriel sing. Cas felt Dean wince every so often and smiled. Even though the sound that was coming out of their mouths was ear splitting and horrible he couldn't help but find it the most beautiful thing he'd ever heard.

Dean's lips brushed over his ear as he said "This will be our song Cas." He then began to softly sing "_All my dues are surely paid, many miles and many tears. Times were hard but now they're changing, you should know I'm not afraid." _

Cas shivered at the song, he actually really loved that song. Bad Company had always been one of his favourite bands and that song had made him grin every time he heard it. Cas joined in for the next part, softly whispering with Dean "_Ooh I want you to stay, ooh I want you today..." _

They grinned and Dean leaned forward and kissed Cas's cheek lightly "Promise me you'll stay."

Cas nodded slowly. Of course he'd stay.

He pulled away as Gabriel finished the song and the two of them came over, stumbling a little from being intoxicated. They crashed into their seats with a giant grins on their faces.

"What did you think Dean?" Gabriel hiccupped out, giggling crazily.

Dean smiled and winked at Cas "I think it was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard."

A small blush spread over Castiel's cheeks and he leaned back in his chair. Luckily his brothers didn't notice and so for now he was safe. It wasn't like his brothers didn't know; they knew he had a massive crush on their friend. They teased him about it endlessly, he just didn't know how they'd react if they knew Cas and Dean were now a couple.

It was an unspoken agreement that Dean and Cas wouldn't tell anyone about their relationship. It would keep their lives at least sort of secret. Plus Cas had heard the horror stories about Dean's dad, he wasn't eager to meet him any time soon and he didn't want to get Dean in trouble. Cas didn't want to lose the most beautiful thing in his life.

They stayed until closing time, ordering drink after drink. Dean let Cas have a few sips from his beer and laughed as the boy coughed on the bitter tasting liquid. He glared playfully at Dean as he slid the bottle back over to him. His brothers were in their own world as they watched Cas drink. They were probably so wasted that they weren't even sure which way was up and down.

It wasn't often that they drank like this. When they did though, it was always a show. Cas was never quite sure what secrets they would confess.

It was close to midnight when Uriel kicked them out. He grumbled about what nuisance they were but didn't object to the cash they brought in. He never did. Cas just figured he had to put on a good show, try and act like an adult.

The four of them left the bar and Dean walked with Cas behind Gabriel and Balthazar. They came to the fork in the road that led to Cas's house one way and Dean's in the other direction. Gabriel and Balthazar gave a drunken goodbye to their friend and then continued to stumble down the road singing loudly and awfully out of tune.

Dean took Cas in his arms and held him close against him. "I'll see you tomorrow at the bus stop Angel." He pulled back slightly and kissed him. Cas pressed in closer to Dean and wrapped his arms around his neck. He had a feeling that whenever he kissed Dean it would always be like the first time; forever and always.

He broke it off first, giving a flirty smile and then running off to join his brothers on the walk home. He gave a swift glance back and saw Dean standing there grinning. Eventually he dropped his head, shaking it slightly. Dean turned around and walked off in the direction of his own home. Cas watched him for a few more moments and then turned back around and almost skipped the rest of the way home.

His brothers didn't ask what was up with him; they were too busy serenading the neighbourhood. Cas was pretty sure they weren't appreciating it as much as his brothers believed them to be. When they arrived at their door, Cas went inside and hurried up to his room so he wouldn't have to deal with what his dad was going to do. His brothers were so dead if they let on how hammered they were. In their case it wouldn't be hard to do! They could barely walk straight.

Crashing down onto his bed he stared up at the ceiling with a stupid grin on his face. He was the happiest he'd been in awhile. Suddenly, the world's problems felt so far away from him. He didn't have to carry them on his shoulders and suffer every second of every day. For once he could be free to do what he wanted. Or at least, he didn't have to worry about the voices in his head judging him to the strongest extent.

Yes for once in his long hard life, something was turning up and he had a positive outlook on life.


	4. Chapter 4

**Here is the next chapter! I'm sorry it's up so late! But last week I had my birthday and then this week was my mom's week and *sigh*. Anyway I hope you enjoy this. I know it isn't much longer and I am SO SO SO sorry for that. But, as you read above. Not a lot of time. I hope to get back in the rhythm of every Wednesday. *disclaimer* I own nothing but the storyline.**

The next morning Cas woke up and jumped out of bed. He was ready for the day and didn't stare angrily at his reflection. He greeted the face in the mirror like he was his best friend. Cas applied his makeup and jumped happily down the stairs into the kitchen where his mother was already up making them French toast. She saw her son come in and ruffled his hair, she took her hand out with a surprised expression "That's a lot of gel Castiel."

Cas shrugged "Yeah, keeps my hair in place though. It's worth it." He grabbed a piece of French toast and began to munch happily on it. "How was work last night? Was it really busy?"

"It was fine..." She replied staring down at the grinning boy "Cas, are you drunk?"

He sputtered and looked up at his mom giggling "No, I am not drunk I swear! I just had a really good sleep for once. I feel wide awake."

Ellen nodded and pulled her sixteen year old son against her side "Castiel, you are the strangest child I have ever had the pleasure of raising. I love you, you know that right?" She leaned forward and kissed his forehead affectionately.

Cas felt his eyes tear up a little and looked down "I love you too Mom."

Ellen squeezed him affectionately and then let him go. Cas watched her for a few minutes and then left and pulled on his shoes. Balthazar and Gabriel stumbled down the stairs, holding their heads in pain. Cas snickered at them and put on his trench coat. He put the collar down and watched them stumble around, as if they were blind. "Don't let mom see you, she'll be the shit out of both of you." Cas said with a smirk and then left the house.

Outside he could tell that winter would be there any day now. The air nipped at his nose and made him shiver a little. Cas couldn't wait to see Dean again, to get to the bus stop and just stand there with him. Even if he couldn't kiss him or hold his hand; at least he would be able to just _be_ with him. He watched eagerly down the road that he knew Dean would walk down. When he saw him, his heart leapt in his chest and he waved rapidly.

Dean grinned at him and hurried over to his side. He discreetly wrapped an arm around Cas's shoulders and said softly "And how are you my angel?"

"Better now." Cas replied, shivering ever so slightly at the sensation of Dean's breath tickling his neck.

The air seemed warmer when Dean was with him, the world was less frightening. For the first time ever he felt he didn't need to hide behind his layers and layers of makeup. He still would, of course, but he felt that maybe one day he would be free of it.

The bus came a few moments later. His brothers were still at home and Cas assumed they would catch the later one. He got on the bus with Dean and watched the world rush by. It was the first time Cas had sat here without his headphones in. He didn't need them this time. It was a strange feeling, really it was.

When they arrived at the school, Dean gave Cas a quick kiss on the head. He waved to the boy as the two of them went their separate ways. Cas retrieved his things and headed off to class. He couldn't stop smiling, he felt genuinely happy for the first time in years. Even more so than he did the night before! It was nice to know that what Dean had said had really been him. Not just the beer talking.

During the day Cas forced himself to concentrate on the lessons at hand. Usually Cas didn't have an issue. He didn't mind class. He liked learning new concepts, it was just the people at the school and the system in general he had an issue with.

At the end of the day he gathered his things and started the short trek to the front of the school. It wasn't like he had high expectations for the rest of the day. He knew Dean had other things to do after school. Making sure his brother got home okay being one of them. Still, Cas hoped he'd get to see him at least before the boy dashed off for home. Cas would ask to go with him but, he'd heard horror stories about John Winchester and he wasn't eager to meet the man.

As Cas walked down the hall a hand grabbed his shoulder and tugged him off to the side. He let out a sharp noise of surprise as he stumbled into a corner. He looked up to see Gabriel standing there, his face full of concern as he gazed at his brother.

"What?" Cas asked moodily as he stared at his brother.

"You seriously need to ask that?" Gabriel demanded, crossing his arms over his chest "I thought it would be obvious."

Cas frowned "Well it obviously isn't, so what do you want?"

"The truth."

"What truth?"

"About what drugs you're on." Gabriel said his tone slightly exasperated "Come on Cas, you go from moody as hell one day to king of the world the next! What gives? Who gave it to you?"

Cas sputtered a laugh. He shook his head, eyes twinkling with joy "You think I'm on drugs? Do I look _that _stupid to you?"

Gabriel didn't respond, only crossed his arms over his chest and waited.

Seeing his brother wasn't going to give this up, Cas heaved a long sigh and leaned back against the wall. He stared at the ground, debating whether or not to tell his brother the truth. He knew Dean wouldn't like it but right now what choice did he have? He could either lie his ass off and risk Gabriel realizing it or risk his relationship with Dean and tell the truth. The choice was obvious wasn't it?

Lie, lie, lie.

"I'm not on drugs Gabriel. I just feel really good today. Is that a crime?" Cas began, using certain truths to make the lie more convincing. "Look, you can go through my bag and my room. I'm cleaning! I'm not an idiot Gabe!"

Gabriel sighed and put a hand on Cas's shoulder "I'm just worried about you kiddo!"

"I'm having a good day. Let's not spoil that shall we?"

His brother nodded and stepped back "Okay, I trust you enough to tell me the truth. Just know I'm here for you if you need it."

With that said he stepped back and left Cas standing there. Cas waited until he was sure he was gone before exhaling loudly and walking back into the crowd. He followed the flow, looking out for Dean or anyone else who might know where he was. Not that he'd have the courage to ask them, but he could pretend.

Luckily he didn't need to look far. He found the boy sitting on a bench, looking at the people intently as they passed. Cas grinned and tried not to run over to him. He forced himself to walk slowly and what convinced himself was a calm walk.

When he reached Dean, the boy looked up with a wide grin. He motioned for Cas to sit beside him and put his hand on the back of the bench. It stretched far past Cas's shoulders, giving him the idea that Dean had his arm around him without the boy actually doing so. It was nice, having Dean this close and knowing the boy actually wanted him there.

"I thought you would have gone with Sam." Cas said after a few moments of silence.

Dean shook his head "The kid can get home safely by himself. I was waiting for you." He gave Cas a sly grin "You sure take a long time to get out of school."

Cas blushed and looked down "I didn't know there was a reason for me to come out. I tried to get out of there as fast as I could."

"You sure came flying out those doors." Dean teased.

Cas shrugged again and looked over the busy school yard. He noticed Dean watching him out of the corner of his eye and stifled a blush. He would never get used to the way the boy looked at him. It had always been there, now that he thought about it, but he'd always brushed it off as his imagination. _How could Dean like me?_ He'd always thought when he noticed Dean's eyes wandering his way. If he was honest he still didn't know the answer to that question.

"What are your plans for the evening?" Dean asked after another few minutes of watching the world pass by.

"I don't have any."

Dean smirked "Wrong. You're spending it with me." He announced while standing and motioning for the younger boy to stand with him.

The two left the school grounds and walked down the street. They ended up a few blocks away in the residential district. The shops there were busier than normal, school having just ended and all. Cas looked around as they walked, he'd been there enough times but he'd never really taken an interest in the shops that lined both sides of the street.

The signs were brightly coloured with giant fonts announcing the name of each store. There were smaller subtitles below on some explaining in more depth what one would find in the store. A few cafes neighboured a few stores and those healthy juice stalls everyone seemed so fond of.

As they walked Cas turned to Dean "What are we doing?"

Dean heaved a mock exasperated sigh "Come on Cas, isn't it obvious? We're going on our first date."


	5. Chapter 5

**Next chapter! I tried to make this one a little cuter than the rest. I hope I succeeded at least :P Please review if you like it! Your feedback gives me the motivation to continue, knowing that people are actually reading it! You're all so wonderful! *disclaimer* I own nothing but the storyline.**

Cas blinked at Dean's statement. His cheeks reddened under his white makeup and his lips slipped into a small smile. He cast his eyes down and said in a soft tone "Oh."

Dean rolled his eyes and draped an arm around Cas's shoulders gently, giving them a squeeze. He dropped it a few moments after and Cas wished he'd keep it there. He didn't mind though, Dean stayed fairly close and Cas couldn't help but let his smile widen.

They walked farther down the street, glancing into shop windows as they passed. Dean's arm brushed against Cas's as they walked and the boy's cheeks reddened every time. He would glance up at Dean's perfect features. The sun hitting the green of his eyes, the way his cheekbones stood out when Cas looked at him from the side. The few freckles that Cas could just make out from the height he was at. The little things that made him love Dean all the more.

"Where are we going?" Cas asked after a few minutes.

Dean shrugged "Wherever you want to go. I thought I'd let you decide once we got here."

Cas laughed softly and looked around at their options. There were a couple restaurants further up, the movie theater two stores down, over twenty different kinds of shops to explore. Of course both of them had probably already been into each one over a dozen times.

With a shy look at Dean, Cas refocused on the movie theater "A movie? Is there any you want to see?" There wasn't anything Cas was desperate to see at the moment, but he was sure Dean had a better taste in movies than he did anyway.

The other boy smiled "Yeah I have a few." He led the way toward the theater and up to the main desk. He glanced back at Cas before he chose "Do you have any preferences?"

Cas shook his head "Whichever you want."

Nodding Dean turned back to the lady behind the desk and smiled at her "Two for Captain America." He said with a grin in Cas's direction.

Cas smiled in agreement and came up beside Dean to stand closer to him. When Dean was handed their tickets the two headed off toward the concession stand. Cas looked around at the people who were wandering around. Most were people from their school, a few from the neighbouring schools. Dean bought them a bag of popcorn and a drink each. Cas took his and smiled gratefully.

The two entered the theater and found seats near the back. There was hardly anyone else there as the commercials played on the screen. No one gave them a second look as the two took their seats. Cas stared at the large screen in front of him, waiting for the movie to begin. Dean sat beside him, looking around the theater with excitement. Cas couldn't help but smile at the boy, "What is it?" He asked.

"I've been waiting to see this movie forever." He told him "I don't get a lot of chances to go to the movies."

Cas tilted his head to the side "Why?"

Dean shrugged "I have other things to do at home. Dad keeps a pretty hard leash on me and Sammy." Dean's voice turned slightly bitter "He knows what's best for us though, can't complain there."

The younger boy hesitantly took Dean's hand, trying to offer him the slightest bit of comfort. His face lit up when Dean squeezed his hand in return. Dean turned his head to look at Cas, his eyes smiling but behind them Cas could see the pain in them. He didn't say anything though; there was no point in bringing up something that obviously made Dean sad.

When the movie started the two kept their hands tightly clasped together. Cas watched the images rolling on the screen with wide eyes. He hadn't seen the first one of the series but it didn't take long to catch up. He'd heard Gabriel and Balthazar discussing it and other movies similar to the one he was watching many times.

Half way through the movie he felt Dean's hand leave his. He frowned slightly, casting his eyes downward in disappointment. Not long after he felt an arm drop over his shoulders. His lips immediately formed into a smile again and he leaned his head on the boy's shoulder. He could feel the muscles under Dean's jacket and felt a sense of peace and safety descending over him.

It had really been a long time since Cas had felt this happy. He could feel any past pains fading away, he would be okay. One day at a time, Dean would heal the scars left on his heart from past heartbreaks and fears.

After the movie Dean held Cas there firmly, his arm staying comfortably on the boy's shoulders. Cas didn't mind or protest but he did glance up at Dean in confusion. The movie was over, why weren't they leaving?

Dean looked down at him and smirked "Do you not know the rule about Marvel movies?"

Cas shook his head "I've never seen one before."

The boy's eyes widened in horror "Well that really needs to be remedied." He leaned over and kissed the side of Cas's head "At the end of each marvel movie, there is almost always an extra scene." He motioned to the people leaving "You see all these people? Idiots."

Cas let out a soft giggle and settled against Dean. They watched as the credits rolled over the screen. A few people stayed but a good half of the people that had been in the theater had already left. Dean shook his head as each person walked out. Cas smiled and waited for the scene Dean claimed would appear.

Sure enough, near the end of the actors' names the screen went dark and a new scene appeared on the screen. Cas watched with interest as it showed the main villain, who apparently wasn't really the villain, eyed the display the main character had visited earlier in the movie.

"Is it setting up the next movie?" Cas asked with a curious tone.

Dean nodded "More than likely."

Cas decided that he liked Marvel movies.

As the two stood to leave Dean kept his arm around Cas. They walked out of the theater into the now dark world. There was hardly anyone walking the streets now and Cas couldn't keep the smile off his lips. All he wanted to do was go find the other marvel movies and watch them with Dean. He'd been introduced to a whole new world and he wasn't ready to leave it yet.

"You loved it." Dean stated as they started the long walk home.

Cas nodded happily "When can we watch the other ones?"

Dean shrugged "Soon, if you want."

The younger boy grinned. Soon sounded perfect. "When are you free next? I think Gabriel has most of them at home." He told him, remembering the strange movie covers he'd seen many times in the cupboard "He kept asking them for Christmas and birthdays."

His boyfriend snorted "He would." Then after a moment he smiled at Cas, cupping his cheeks lovingly "That sounds great. Does tomorrow after school work?"

"Of course."

****

The next day Dean rode home with them. Gabriel and Balthazar eyed them with curiosity but they didn't say anything. Cas thanked them silently for that. He didn't need them asking questions, or make Dean change his mind about them. He was happy and there was no one who could take that away from him, not anymore.

When they got home Cas called dibs on the TV. The rest of his family didn't object, they cleared out and gave the two space. Cas had a feeling they knew what was going on.

"Which one should we watch first?" Cas asked as they settled onto the couch.

Dean shrugged "We should watch the first Captain America. That way you'll have a better idea about what was going on in the second one."

Cas laughed "Okay."

He found the movie in the cupboard and after putting it in the DVD player he sat back down on the couch with Dean. He snuggled up against the boy, letting a smile play across his lips. He felt like he was smiling a lot lately, it was different but he loved it.

As the movie played Cas kept looking at Dean and then back at Steve Rogers. He tilted his head to the side, and then the other. There were a lot of similarities between the two. The only difference really being that Dean had green eyes and Steve had blue. They had similar personalities and attitudes toward life.

Dean noticed Cas's constant head movement and raised an eyebrow at him. He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. Cas knew what he meant.

"You're a lot like Steve Rogers." He said after another shift between the screen and Dean.

Dean laughed softly "That's quite the compliment Cas."

"I mean it!"

"Well, then that makes you Bucky." Dean stated, "You've definitely got the eyeliner down for the Winter Soldier perfected" He added with a teasing smile while leaning down and kissing Cas gently.

Cas responded immediately. He kissed Dean happily, arms wrapping around the boy's neck and pressing closer to him. Dean's hands held his back and he pulled Cas against him. The movie played on in the background as Cas moved his hands up and tangled them in Dean's hair. His shirt became tight around him as Dean's hands scrunched the fabric in his fists.

Cas's lips parted slightly and he felt Dean's tongue slip inside of his. He gripped Dean's hair in his hands as the kiss grew more passionate, deeper than anything the boy had ever felt before. He moved so he was almost in Dean's lap, the other boy's hands moving down to grip his thighs as he did. Cas moved one hand down so it was holding Dean's shoulder, gripping it tightly as Dean leaned up to meet his body.

The younger boy sat with his back to the TV, legs draped over each side of those of Dean's. The boy's hands were holding his ass as Cas leaned into the kiss. Dean's tongue moving around inside of Cas's mouth. Cas's own hands were still gripping the soft hair on his boyfriend's head, feeling Dean moan each time Cas tugged on them.

He wasn't sure how long the kiss lasted but when a loud bang on the TV sounded they jumped apart in surprise. Cas blushed and smiled down at Dean, glancing back quickly to see what he was missing. Dean's hands travelled up his back till they were holding his sides gently. His eyes were wide and open as he gazed into Cas's.

"That was nice." Cas whispered, his cheeks still flaming slightly.

Dean laughed "Only nice?"

Cas rolled his eyes and leaned down to kiss Dean again. The kiss was softer, quicker. He crawled off of Dean, cuddling against his side once more. The boy's arm draped over Cas's shoulders as they watched the rest of the movie. When it finished Cas looked up at Dean expectantly.

The boy smiled and got up to choose the next one.

They spent the afternoon like that, getting up only to eat or get a drink. They sat on the couch, pressed up against each other as they watched the heroes battle on screen. Cas rested his cheek on Dean's chest, feeling the steady heartbeat there. It was a little faster than normal, seeming to skip a beat whenever Cas shifted against him. Cas smiled to himself whenever he heard it. He never thought he'd be the reason someone's heart jumped.

"We should do this more often." Cas said as Dean stood to put in the next Iron Man movie.

Dean looked back at him "There are lots of shows I've been meaning to catch up on."

Cas grinned and nodded eagerly. Perfect. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Next chapter! Please review if you like it! *disclaimer* I own nothing but the storyline.**

The next few days passed close to the same. Dean and Cas would find a place to be alone, whether they went into town, to Cas's and had marathons of shows, or if they went to one of the parks outside of town. It didn't matter where it was. As long as no one could find them and they were together.

It was the beginning of November when the two of them decided they wanted to take a day trip. It was a Saturday and both were sick of the same old scene in town. Dean had gotten his licence already and had been given a car for his birthday. It was his dad's old car but it was the only thing Dean loved that had any connection to his father. It was a black '67 Chevy Impala.

Cas didn't know much about cars, but he knew how much Dean loved this one. He couldn't help but agree. It really was a nice car. It had a safe feeling to it, as if when they were in it no one could hurt them. They were safe from the world and from whoever might try and tear them apart. Cas really liked the impala and even though there were times where he could have sworn Dean loved his car more than him, he let it go. He knew that he was in the top three things Dean cared about. That was more than he could ever ask for.

He remembered asking Dean about that one time.

They'd been sitting on a cliff side after a short walk. It had been the middle of October, a week or so before Halloween. Dean had his arm around Cas and they were just sitting silently and staring out over the small town that lay below them. The impala sat behind them, providing light for them to see by and Dean's music playing softly.

Dean had been talking about when he got the car and all the improvements he had made since getting it. Dean knew an awful lot about cars. He was determined to work with them for a living. Cas wasn't sure how long Dean talked for, but every word he said the boy took in happily. Even if he had no idea what his boyfriend was saying, he loved just listening to Dean talk.

After a few minutes Cas hesitantly interrupted to say "Sounds like you really love your car."

The older boy blinked and nodded "I do," He grinned as he continued "It's number three in the top three things I care about."

Cas raised an eyebrow, brushing his dark blue bangs out of his face "Oh? And what are one and two?"

"I'm so glad you asked." Dean said, shifting to look at Cas "Sam is number two." He leaned down and kissed Cas softly "And you're number one."

The blue eyed boy stared up at Dean happily. He leaned up to kiss Dean again, hands grasping at the other boy's leather jacket.

Cas smiled at the memory as they drove down the highway out of town. Dean's music was playing loudly on one of the many cassette tapes Dean owned, adding a pulse to the little bumps on the road. Dean sang along to the tracks, drumming on his steering wheel.

It was warm or November but Cas still had his long trench coat on. He never went anywhere without something covering his arms. All his shirts were long sleeved. Until him and Dean were more serious, he didn't think he had the courage to tell Dean about his painful past. He was sure Dean wouldn't treat him any differently, but it was still something he wasn't ready to share.

"Where are we going?" Cas asked as they continued to speed down the highway out of town.

"Far away," Dean replied simply "I have the weekend off and I checked with your brothers. You're free too." He laughed softly "They ask a lot of questions but I finally convinced them I was driving you to a concert."

Cas laughed softly "They bought that?"

"They think we have the same taste in music."

"Well they aren't wrong."

Dean grinned over at Cas, reaching for his hand. He squeezed it tightly and said "That's why you're perfect."

Cas kissed Dean's hand before dropping it. He looked out the window as they left town, he watched it disappear in the review mirror with a happy sigh. "So are we spending the night out of town?"

"Yes we are." Dean confirmed as they sped onward "I booked a small motel in the next town over. I thought we might want more time to explore it. We'll need more than one day if we're going to do this right."

Cas grinned at him and nodded. This sounded like a perfect weekend.

They arrived in town a couple hours later. The motel Dean had chosen was a little run down but would do for a night. The town itself was small, smaller than where they'd left. But it had character, wooden buildings and brightly coloured signs. It was the perfect place for a short getaway.

When they'd checked in Dean led Cas down to their room. He unlocked the door and let Cas go on in first. The room was fairly small, but it wasn't like they would need a ton of room. It was well lit with a lamp on the two side tables and a bright light hanging from the ceiling. There was a door leading off to the bathroom and a couch off to the side with a small TV in front of it. Beside the couch a wide window gave off a view of the parking lot and trees in the far distance. A few feet away from the couch was the bed. Only one, Cas noted.

"I only got one bed. Hope that's okay."

"Yeah, of course." Cas replied, cheeks reddening. The thought of sharing a bed with Dean made him grin like a four year old. He placed the bag he'd been holding on one side of the bed and gazed out the window beside the couch.

Dean dropped his bag on the other side and jumped onto the bed, making it groan at the sudden weight. Cas glanced over at him as the boy stretched out comfortably on it. The boy crossed his arms behind his head and grinned over at Cas. He motioned with his head for Cas to sit beside him with a warm glow in his eyes.

Cas sat down beside him slowly, feeling the mattress sink even further under his weight. Dean shifted closer to Cas and draped one arm around his shoulders. Cas curled against Dean, head on his chest. He closed his eyes and took in the safe feeling that being around Dean gave him. The silence from the constant chatter of his brain. The reassurance that he was wanted in this world.

He had always considered himself a strong person. He wasn't weak in muscle tone and he didn't usually let people get to him. There were still those times where someone would say something and it would hit a little too close to home. Those were the hard days. The days where he had to fight himself to not give in to the temptation of a quick release. An escape from the pain the day had brought. As of today he'd been two years without relapsing. He wanted to keep that streak.

He felt Dean's thumb gently glide over his arm and sighed happily. He would never get over how nice it felt to be next to the boy. A gentle, warm blanket wrapped around his heart.

"Are you ready?" Dean asked, kissing the side of Cas's head. His breath tickling his neck as he spoke.

Cas smiled "Do you have anything planned?"

Dean grinned again and gently nuzzled into Cas's hair. "We have a big day ahead of us." He stood up then and pulled Cas up to his feet with him. "Come on, I looked at how the best spots here before we came. I know the greatest tourist spots!"

"Lead the way then!" Cas replied, laughing as they left the motel room.

Everything in the town was in walking distance. It was maybe a town consisting of 700 people at most. A quaint, simple little town. Right next to the busy one they resided in. The shops that lined the streets were all just beginning to open as they walked down the street. Cas eyed a sign that told him they were on Main Street. How original. Dean led him down to an opening diner and gestured for them to enter. Cas grinned and followed the boy in.

Inside the scents of cooking bacon and coffee filled his nose. They took a seat at a booth by a window that looked off over the streets. People passed by and smiled at them as they did. Friendly town, a nice change to be honest. No one looked at Cas like he was a freak or like he was a disappointment. They were just interested in the new comers to their town.

A waitress came over to take their table and took their orders. Cas smiled at Dean and played with his fork nervously. He hadn't expected things to be this good between them. To take a weekend and just get away from the responsibilities of their home.

"We should move somewhere out here when you finish high school." Dean said suddenly.

Cas blinked and looked at the man. Was he making future plans for them? He dropped the fork and reached hesitantly for Dean's hand "Are you serious?" The boy still saw them together in two years?

Dean tilted his head to the side at Cas's wide eyes. "Of course I am. I never wanted to stay there anyway. I think it would be nice to live in a city or a small town like this. Don't you?"

"I never pegged you as someone who would enjoy a smaller town." Cas stated with a small grin.

The boy shrugged "With you, I can see myself anywhere Cas."

"Why?" Cas asked suddenly, letting go of Dean's hand. "Why me? Why now?"

Dean sighed and sat back. He fiddled with the napkin in front of him, silent for a few minutes as if choosing his words carefully. Cas prepared himself for the worst as Dean finally spoke "My dad is an asshole." He started "He is 'traditional' and isn't exactly the most open minded up homosexuality or anything that isn't just a guy and a girl." Dean sighed and looked up at Cas "I've kinda had a thing for you for awhile now Cas, but I've just been too scared to act on those feelings. I decided awhile back, after breaking up with my last girlfriend that I was done pretending that I didn't have feelings for you. I would live my life how I wanted to."

"So that's why you let me come with you and my brothers to the bar that night." Cas said, nodding slowly.

"Among other reasons." Dean nodded. "I'm tired of pretending to be someone I'm not. But I can't tell my dad, I don't want to piss him off. Trust me." He leaned forward and took Cas's hand, kissing his knuckle gently "It's not that I'm ashamed Cas, don't ever worry about that okay? When we're both finished school we can get out of here."

Cas grinned "I'd like that."

Dean kissed Cas's hand again before sitting back as their food came. When the two finished eating they paid and Dean led the way back down the street. He held Cas's hand as they walked and Cas could feel his heart beating way too fast in his chest. They were safe here, no one could bother them and if they did it wouldn't matter because it would never get back to their own town.

Cas wasn't sure where they were going but he trusted Dean not to get them lost.

They came to a wooded pathway and started up the trail. Dean kept a firm hold Cas's hand as they walked. Pointing out random bushes and trees as they did. Cas smirked at Dean's knowledge about the forests. He hadn't thought Dean would be interested in all this, apparently he didn't know as much about Dean as he originally thought. He supposed it was a secret hobby of the boy's.

It was ten minutes later that finally reached the spot Dean had been guiding him to. The trees parted on a half circle of jagged rocks. In the background of the rocks was a waterfall. White rushing water that batted against the rocks and sent spray over to the other side where they stood. Below a swirling pond collected the water and sent it off down a series of streams that the water had carved out in the smooth stony bottom of the pool. The sound of the water rushing over the edge and into the pool was so loud Cas had to yell to be heard over it.

"How did you know this was here?" He shouted as Dean led him carefully closer.

"Internet." Dean replied, grinning widely.

He gathered Cas in his arms, tilting his head up to meet his. He leaned down slowly and kissed the boy, holding him tightly. Cas met his lips happily and wrapped his arms tightly around Dean's waist. He parted his lips and kissed Dean deeply. The two stood interlocked that way for minutes as the waterfall added pounding background music.

"There," Dean whispered into Cas's ear as he stopped the kiss "You have had a cliché kiss in front of a waterfall."

Cas laughed softly and buried his face into Dean's shoulder. "It was better than the movies."

****

For the rest of the day they went around to museums, giant landmarks, and anything else they could find on tourist maps. They spent day eyeing famous pieces of art and critiquing them. Taking pictures on the giant monument just outside of the town. Another one in front of the sign welcoming any passersby to the town.

The day ended with the two crashed on their bed and staring at the ceiling. Cas had his head on Dean's chest as the other boy played with his hair.

A soft smile was on Cas's lips as he felt the boy's gently fingers on his scalp. He yawned widely and closed his eyes, hearing Dean's heartbeat beneath his ear. A steady drumming that was lulling him to sleep.

Today had been a day that Cas knew he would remember forever. That today was the start of something great. An eternity with Dean.

Cas felt his mind drift off as he slipped into a dreamless sleep. He felt Dean's lips on his head as he drifted off.

"Goodnight angel." Dean whispered as Cas fell asleep. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Next chapter! Please review if you like it! Sorry for the shortness and the distance between them. I've been trying to get presents done... oops. I will have the next chapter up as soon as I can!*disclaimer* I own nothing but the storyline.**

The rest of November went by rapidly. Dean and Cas snuck out close to every night to be together. Dean took him to all the great spots; the best bars, clubs, even romantic hideaways around town. Cas was happy wherever they were. He didn't need to have special places to be, everywhere was special to him now.

Christmas came quickly; Cas was rushing around everywhere trying to find something for his boyfriend. Nothing was just right though, everything was either too expensive and Dean would get angry at him for spending so much or not enough and Cas would feel bad for not getting him something more. Cas was sure Dean wasn't having this much trouble with getting gifts for everyone. He was always so well organized and knew exactly what he was doing.

At least that was the view of him Cas was used to seeing. Now he saw the chaos that went on in behind the scenes. The pain Dean had to go through with his dad and how judged he was in his own family. Nothing he did never seemed to be enough for John Winchester. Sam did alright, but Cas noticed very quickly how protective Dean was over his brother. It didn't take him long to realize that the only reason Sam was cut slack was because Dean took the brunt of everything.

It hurt Cas to see Dean like that but he knew why he did it and greatly respected him for it. Family was everything to Dean; it was a trait Cas could relate to. He himself would do anything for his brothers, his sister or his parents. They were the most important people in his life and he would hurt anyone who tried to harm them.

At that moment, Cas and Dean were hiding in Cas's bedroom. No one else was home and so they had the whole house to themselves. Dean was lying back on Cas's bed, watching Cas arrange the books on his shelf. It was a nervous habit of his; he wasn't sure what Dean wanted at that moment. It was odd because usually it wasn't that hard to figure out but Cas couldn't read the expression on that gorgeous face of his for once.

"What are you thinking about?" Cas finally asked him, leaving his shelf and sitting on the bed beside him. He began to trail his fingers daintily up and down Dean's leg; a small smile forming on his lips at the feel of the denim beneath the pads of his fingers.

Dean glanced over at him and grinned, sitting up and pulling him down with him. Cas snuggled up closer to him, pressing his face into the alcove of Dean's shoulder and neck. Dean turned his head and placed a soft kiss on top of his head. "I was thinking that I need a date for a party I was invited to."

Cas glanced up at him "Are you... Are you asking me?"

"Yes, I am asking if you want to be my date to the party Castiel Novak." Dean finished for him, leaning forward and kissing his lips; withheld passion sparkling in his eyes.

Without thinking Castiel leaned up and kissed Dean back. He rested his hands on the man's cheeks and shifted so he was straddling Dean's hips. He could feel Dean's hands on his thighs, the boy leaning up to kiss Cas deeply. Cas moaned softly and pressed his body happily against Dean.

The boy moved his hands around Dean's waist so he was resting the pads of his fingers on Cas's lower back as they kissed.

Dean's tongue ran along Cas's lips and Cas parted them to allow Dean access. The boy's tongue ran along his and Cas tangled his fingers in Dean's soft hair in response. Feeling the silky strands run smoothly through his fingers.

Cas pulled back first, a thought suddenly slamming into his mind. He frowned at Dean, whose beautiful features had scrunched together in confusion.

Taking a deep breath Cas stuttered out "B-b-but...Wh-what if..." He paused, trying to form a complete sentence "What if your dad finds out?"

Dean shook his head, massaging Cas's lower back "I can handle him Cas. Really I can. I want you; I want the world to know about us. I think it's about time."

Cas could get behind that statement; he was very ready to tell the world that Dean Winchester was his and that he belonged to Dean. He still worried about what John would say though; if he ever found out he would probably punish Dean... badly. Cas couldn't be the cause of Dean getting hurt, he just couldn't do it.

Pressing his forehead to Cas's, Dean whispered "Cas, it'll be okay. We don't need to tell people if don't think it's time. I would still like you to come though; I want my boyfriend there with me. You can help keep the damn females away from me." Dean winked and kissed the side of his head "What do you say Angel?"

The name made Cas blush; he ducked his head and slowly climbed off of Dean. He thought it over for a few minutes and then nodded "Okay, I guess it would be pretty fun!"

"Great, come on it starts at eight." Dean said, sitting up and grabbing his jacket off the chair beside him.

Oh, Dean meant tonight! It wasn't an issue but still, this was sudden.

Cas watched him for a few minutes and then nodded, sitting up and following him out the door. They walked down the staircase, Dean holding his hand tightly. Cas still wasn't sure about it but he trusted Dean. If he said it was a good idea, then it had to be a good idea. Right?


	8. Chapter 8

**Next chapter! Please review if you like it! Sorry again for the shortness and the distance between them. I hope to try and make the next one longer... Hopefully! At least this way I can get the more often though. Oh well! I loved reviews, they are always greatly appreciated! Thank you all for reading! You're all amazing 3 *disclaimer* I own nothing but the storyline.**

The party wasn't too far from his house, a good two blocks. Dean held his hand the whole way and Cas was in absolute bliss at the sensation. When they arrived, he let go but gave him a little squeeze to comfort him. Cas understood why he'd let go but he still missed the warmth that had been there.

From inside he could hear the boom of music being played very loudly, with a strong bass beat. A grin spread over his lips, he loved the sensation that a strong bass gave to his chest. It made his heart pound and made him forget any worries he had. The music spread all throughout him and he closed his eyes for a brief moment. Cas savoured the beat, letting Dean gently lead him into the house.

Inside, there were people milling about everywhere. Dean said hello to a few people and then walked further into the house. Cas followed at a slow pace; letting himself be led further and further into a world he knew absolutely nothing about. This whole situation and atmosphere was brand new to him. Cas was used to being the loner in the corner of the classroom, the one who no one ever wanted to talk to; the outcast, or no, the different one. He was accepted because of his looks and mysterious side. If you took that away though, he was no one.

Dean looked back at him and motioned with his head to a little alcove where no one would find them. He sat down under the doorway and patted the space beside him. Cas hesitated for a moment and then gave in to the temptation and sat down. They sat at a bit of a distance, there were people everywhere. Anyone could get news around that would eventually get back to John.

Cas could understand that Dean had decided not to announce it to people. It was better if they kept it a secret for now. Still, the eager look in Dean's eyes he'd seen in Dean's eyes earlier made him wish they could tell people. That they didn't have to be afraid of what his dad would say. Why couldn't they just be happy, publicly? Not have to hide every action, every sweet moment that he felt with Dean. Why was the world still so unfair even when he was happy?

He couldn't help but wonder if the universe had it out for him.

Dean tilted Cas's face up lightly to meet his eyes. He smiled down at the boy and brushed a few stray strands of hair out of his face. Cas sighed happily and blinked his wide blue eyes at the boy.

"You hungry?" Dean asked as they sat there. Dean's fingers gently trailing along Cas's cheekbones and ignoring the people around them.

If they saw, they said nothing. Maybe they had already figured it out, maybe they didn't care. Whatever the reason, Cas felt safe for the first time since they'd arrived. The secure feeling he always had around Dean. Never failing to make him wish the world would disappear for a brief moment so the two of them could enjoy it together to the fullest.

Slowly he shook his head in reply. He slowly moved over to Dean, pressing their legs together. He grinned up at the older boy and said "Can we just sit here for a bit?"

"Of course."

With a wide grin, Cas relaxed his body. His thigh resting heavily against Dean's and the other boy's arm hiding behind his back. They sat there for a few minutes, making small conversation. Dean teasing him, and tucking his hair behind his ear while Cas blushed under his makeup and ducked his head.

Dean quickly pressed a kiss to Cas's temple and leaned back against the wall. Cas blinked up at him lovingly and knew they probably shouldn't be alone for much longer.

He looked around the room searching for some way to keep them distracted. He saw his brothers from across the room and waved to them. This way they wouldn't be alone and nothing would be able to happen. Gabriel and Balthazar sat down in front of them. They gave Dean a fist pound and ruffled up Cas's hair. It stuck out at odd ends even more so than before, out of the corner of his eye he saw Dean shift awkwardly. He gave a discreet wink to his boyfriend and then turned back to his brothers. He gave them a false angry glare that they just chuckled at.

Gabriel began on a rant about how there wasn't enough sweets at the party. How it was a Christmas party and wasn't it kind of mandatory to have a ton of junk food for people to snack on? Cas laughed at his brother, he'd always had a bit of a sweet tooth. Lucifer was bad for encouraging it too, whenever he'd come home he always bring Gabe a giant bag of candy from his travels. Gabriel would try and savour it, make it last. As far as Cas knew it had never worked out very well.

Their small group grew; Sam and his friend Kevin came over a few minutes later and sat with them. Cas longed to curl up in Dean's arms, to lie there and feel safe and happy. For everyone to be okay with it and smile at them as the two sat there. Instead he watched the actions of the group. He watched as his big brother, Gabriel, wrapped an arm around Sam's shoulders. He leaned forward and whispered something into Sam's ear. Whatever he said was lost to Cas but he saw Sam begin to blush furiously.

A small grin formed on Cas's lips and he turned away so no one would see it. It would be weird if their brothers got together... Very weird. Yet Cas couldn't seem to find any resentment in it happening. Though he could only guess how John would react if he found out both his sons were into guys... at least on some level.

How absolutely amusing...

Eventually people started to head out, Cas looked at one of the clocks on the wall and blinked. It was already close to midnight. Gabriel and Balthazar waved goodbye saying they would see Cas at home and they were trusting Dean to see him home safely. Dean chuckled and gave his word. He winked over at Cas and then stood up, motioning for him to follow once again. Cas gladly stood up and followed like a little puppy out into the patio where no one was.

Dean brought him to a specific spot and outstretched his arms for Cas. Cas's face lit up and he rushed into Dean's embrace. He felt deprived almost of all that Dean was, standing there in his embrace made him feel special and loved. A feeling he didn't get as often as he wished. Family love wasn't the same as this love.

He felt Dean begin to rock back and forth, he swayed to the music that could be faintly heard from inside. Cas grinned as he rested his chin on Dean's shoulder, it was their first dance. They swayed back and forth to the sweet sounding notes and Dean softly sang the lyrics into his ear. His voice was like that of an angel's; pure and innocent sounding. Like the sensation of honey running down a sore throat, sweet beautiful bliss.

Dean turned his head to look above them and Cas followed his gaze. He gasped at what he saw there and looked back down at Dean "Did you know?"

Chuckling he shook his head, still grinning at the mistletoe "I'm not complaining though."

"Neither am I." Cas replied shyly.

Leaning forward, Dean pressed his lips to Cas's and pulled him into a close embrace. He squeezed him tightly and ran his fingers through his hair. Cas let out a soft happy moan as Dean's warm fingers travelled through his hair. He scrunched his fingers into the leather jacket Dean always wore, loving the feel of the smooth material.

He felt Dean's tongue line his lips and pressed his body closer to the boy's. He felt Dean hold him tighter and grinned as they kissed. He pushed his hands up and wrapped them around Dean's neck, tugging him further down to him.

Cas didn't ever want to pull apart but Dean slowly pulled away. As the boy gazed down at him, Cas felt his cheeks go red under his eyes. Dean's bright green eyes were wide and caring. They seemed to see only Castiel. Only wanting the boy in front of him. The smile on his face was huge, teeth showing as he encased Cas's face in his palms. The boy's warm hands providing a relief from the chill of winter. He rubbed his thumbs gently along Cas's cheeks, tracing his cheek bones with the soft pads. In Dean's eyes Cas could see the love he felt for the boy. In Dean's eyes he knew he was special and it made him feel a little light headed. No one had ever looked at him the way Dean was looking at him right then.

Unable to hold it back anymore, Cas parted his lips to speak. "I... I love you..." Cas whispered, almost hesitantly. He was worried it was too soon to say it. They'd only been together a few months after all and Dean probably didn't even feel the same way. For Cas though it was the perfect moment. After all he had been harbouring that phrase for years now. He finally got to say the words he'd been wishing to say to Dean.

Dean just grinned at him. He gently pressed a kiss to Cas's forehead and replied "I love you too Cas."

His world rose and swirled all around him, the walls he'd built around himself came crashing down and he suddenly felt the safest he ever had. Dean _loved_ him; he loved _him_. Castiel the broken and weird kid. Dean Winchester loved him! He'd admitted it, he'd said it!

Feeling as if he were on the top of the world, Cas jumped forward and kissed him fiercely. Unguarded passion in all of his movements and facial expression. Dean caught him and lifted him slightly off the ground. Cas grinned; he'd never thought that he of all people would get a moment like this. A moment of pure and without any doubt happiness.

This was the beginning of something amazing, something perfect. Something that was his.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello! Sorry this took so long; I was sick for the last two weeks and have finally just started to get over it. Yay! Thank you for being so patient. Please review if you like it! Sorry for the shortness and the distance between them. (again) I love reviews, they are always greatly appreciated! Thank you all for reading! You're all amazing 3 *disclaimer* I own nothing but the storyline.**

After walking Cas home, Dean left for his own home. The air was cool and the sky was black but Dean didn't care one bit. For once in his life he wasn't worried about pretending to be someone he wasn't. Sure he still wasn't going to tell his dad but he could be himself around Cas, that's what mattered. He was able to be carefree with Cas! He didn't have to worry about hiding himself and being afraid of judgement. Cas accepted him for who he was and Dean was beyond lucky to have him. He didn't know how he had struck gold like this!

He kicked piles of snow as he walked home. Enjoying being out in the cold, being alone with his thoughts but never alone. He glanced down at his phone happily and saw the text from Cas that he was home safe. Just like they always did if Dean didn't walk him right to his door. Dean would text him back when he got home. Cas would want to know when he was safe too.

Pulling his coat tighter around him, Dean spurred himself faster down the path. The cold suddenly seemed dark and not as inviting. What he really wanted was a nice warm cup of coffee (or hot chocolate, maybe his mom had gone shopping. If Dad had let her out of the fucking house today.) and to curl up in a blanket while staying up late texting Cas. Winter break was fast approaching and Dean couldn't wait to spend all his time with the boy. He was already thinking of all the amazing things they could do together.

Just two more weeks and they would be free to hang out as much as they wanted. More day trips, warm motel rooms, movies and staying up all night watching more movies. The last time had gone so well and Dean had so many more movies to show the boy. Cas was seriously missing out on the classics and that just wasn't acceptable! Not when he was dating Dean Winchester!

When he arrived at his house the lights were all still on. He raised an eyebrow in confusion; his parents had known that he was going to the party. Dean had told them to go to bed because he wouldn't be home until late. He supposed they hadn't listened, that wasn't a big deal Dean hadn't done anything wrong. Walking up the front porch he put his key in the lock and opened the door. As soon as he entered in, the whole house exploded around him.

"DEAN WINCHESTER! HOW DARE YOU GO BEHIND MY BACK AND EVEN CONSIDER DOING SOMETHING LIKE THIS! YOU'RE _MY_ SON REMEMBER?!" He heard his dad scream, coming right up to him and slamming him against the wall. WHAT THE HELL?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU BOY?!"

Dean felt his body slam hard against the wood panels and grunted. He was used to his dad getting angry like this, especially when he was drunk. This was different though... Dean couldn't smell any alcohol on his dad's breath and there was a fury in his eyes Dean had never seen in all his years of living with this man. Staring into those eyes he whispered "What did I do?"

John fumed and pressed Dean harder against the wall, Dean knew by the end of this he would have bruises all along his back and shoulders. Nothing new but fresh ones always hurt the most. "I hear you've been going around like a little slut and kissing whatever you can find!"

"Wh-... What are you talking about?" Dean stuttered, he glanced behind his dad and saw Sam cowering in the corner. He felt anger seep throughout his body, an uncontrollable hot rage. Dean knew then. He knew exactly what his brother had done. "Oh... That."

"YES THAT!" John bellowed in his face "YOU'RE DATING A BOY?! NO SON OF MY WILL BE A FAG!" He pushed Dean a little harder and then backed off. He pointed an accusing finger in Dean's face "What did I do wrong Dean? What did I do to make you go like this?"

"NOTHING!" Dean cried out, anger still coursing through him. It gave him a confidence he never had when it came to dealing with his father. "There is absolutely _nothing_ wrong with me Dad! I still like girls, but there is something different about him. I love him!"

"YOU WHAT?!" John yelled taking the front of Dean's coat and shaking him "I DARE YOU TO SAY THAT AGAIN YOUNG MAN!"

Staring defiantly at his dad Dean said in a dangerously low voice "I love Castiel Novak."

John shoved Dean away, putting his hands over his ears angrily "Don't say that fag's name in my house! I FORBID YOU!"

Dean smirked, feeling daring and said "I love Castiel Novak. I love a boy Dad! Castiel Novak is the one I choose and there is nothing you can do to change how I feel."

"We'll see about that!" John threatened, "From here on out, I don't want you talking to this boy. I don't want you to even look at him. If you do, well there will be bigger hell to pay Dean. Mark my words, if I hear of you even taking a peek at him..." John let the threat hang in the air but Dean got the picture.

He couldn't talk to Cas, not ever. Sam would be John's personal spy, whether he wanted to or not. It wasn't a matter of preference. Sam had absolutely no choice but to obey their father. Dean couldn't blame him really, he probably had seen Dean with Cas and freaked. Though Dean had seen Sam with Gabriel. They had looked a little cozy at the party. It would be so easy for Dean to point it out... But he wouldn't, he wouldn't let Sam get hurt or in trouble, there was nothing he could ever do to hurt his little brother.

Trying not to punch his dad in the face, he glared at him and then stomped away to his bedroom. He slammed the door, just for good measures. Collapsing onto his bed he stared up at the ceiling. Cas would be heartbroken, confused. He would never know what had happened. Dean would look like a dick and there was nothing he could do to fix it.

Glaring angrily at the ceiling, forcing the tears that started to well up away; Dean tried not to imagine the confusion on Cas's face tomorrow. The hurt he would see when Dean brushed past him as if he meant nothing. Right after saying he loved him, Dean had to pretend to hate him.

He felt his gut twist at the thought. He was going to be sick.

Turning over Dean closed his eyes, ready to sleep. To sleep forever and not have to face the Hell he would have to tomorrow. He'd just lost the best thing he'd ever had in his life. Not for the first time, Dean wished he had the guts to run away. To find a place outside the state. Get as far away from his fucked up family as he could. He wanted to be free of the control his father had over him.

The only reason he didn't leave was because of Sam. If he left, Sam would become the punching bag. Thinking of that happening only made Dean's inside squirm more. There was no win in his situation. He was doomed. To anger and hurt those he loved for the rest of his life. All because he didn't have the guts to stand up to an asshole of a father.

He didn't deserve Cas; Cas would never let this happen. He would fight! No matter what the cost. He was so strong; Dean always knew he could go to the boy. He would help him through any troubles he had. Always.

Or... It used to be that way.

Giving into the salty tears, Dean turned on his side and forced himself to sleep. There was nothing more there could do.

* * *

The next day at school Dean walked in and forced himself to ignore Cas's call of hello. He forced himself not to look back at that beautiful face and run to him. Sam was walking close behind him and Dean knew that on his face he would find apology and sadness. Dean hadn't said a word to him since this had all happened. He wasn't going to for a good long while either; Dean was going to let Sam think about the hell he had created for his brother. That would show him...

Even if he understood his brother's actions, he certainly wasn't impressed with them. Sam was going to wish he'd kept his mouth shut.

In class Dean did his best to focus on the front board, all around him there were whispers. Not whispers about him or Cas but of exciting things that had happened to them. He couldn't share any of his, he couldn't tell his friends any of his stories from the party the other night. The beautiful moments, the bliss he'd felt with Cas. no matter how brief the time had been... He knew that people would either distance themselves from him or laugh at him. Usually he wouldn't give a damn what they thought but there was now his dad in the picture. He had to think of that, of the pain he would receive. Of who else might suffer because of his careless needy actions. Even him simply mentioning his feelings towards the other boy could send his world into a spiral of pain. Dean felt selfish for thinking of his own well being when Cas was probably suffering right now. What else could he do though? Dean knew he could take whatever his dad threw at him, but what if he started to attack Sam? No, he had to do what he was told.

At the end of the day he trudged to the bus stop and did his best not to look in Castiel's direction. If he did he would see Gabriel and Balthazar, who also hadn't spoken to him all day. He hadn't just lost his boyfriend... Dean had lost his two best friends as well.

He cursed his father, his asshole of a parental figure. What had he done to deserve such a man? Who'd he pissed off about there? Or in a past life, if that crap even existed.

Either way, now he had no close friends except one. No boyfriend, no one to spend time with. He still had Benny, though they hardly hung out anymore. No classes in common and the amount of homework they both had. It made it almost impossible. Dean felt a little bad for not putting in more effort, he knew he should. It wasn't all on Benny after all. Dean had to put in a little too. He'd just been so hung up on Cas, nothing else seemed to matter. Now he realized how wrong he was. He'd isolated himself and of course Benny would invite him back in if he asked. Dean just had the problem of being to pruoud to ask. Now he was alone and miserable.

_Just like Cas. Just like you deserve to be..._ His mind whispered cruelly. Dean pushed them away, he knew what he deserved and he was getting it. He didn't need his brain to remind him.

Goodbye Castiel...


End file.
